Bids for Connection: The Micro-Moments That Matter

The Tactic

Recognize and respond to "bids for connection"—small attempts your partner makes to engage with you throughout the day.

Why It Works

Gottman's research on 3,000 couples found that masters of relationships respond to their partner's bids 87% of the time, while disasters respond only 33% of the time. These micro-interactions predict divorce with 94% accuracy over six years.

A "bid" is any attempt to get your attention, affection, or support. It could be:

• "Look at that sunset"
• "I had the weirdest dream"
• "My back hurts"
• Simply walking into the room

You have three response options:

Turn toward (engage positively)

Turn away (ignore or miss it)

Turn against (respond with irritation)

How To Do It

Notice the bid: Your partner isn't just making conversation—they're reaching for connection

Stop what you're doing: Put down the phone, pause the show, turn your body toward them

Respond with curiosity: Ask a follow-up question or make an interested comment

Match their energy: If they're excited, show excitement. If they need comfort, offer it

Track your ratio: Aim to turn toward at least 8 out of 10 bids

Expected Result

Couples who master this report 67% higher relationship satisfaction and are 5x less likely to divorce within six years. You'll notice increased intimacy within days of improving your response rate.